Hahahahahahahah! This may sound like hilarious laughter, right? You need tons of laughter therapies because, without laughter and the pain of the stomach with excess laughter, life doesn’t move on. So why not laugh with your pets with the most hilarious dog jokes ever? It may be true that your pawsome pals may not understand them. But seeing you laughing like a crazy maniac will ultimately let them think you are happy and they will be happy too. So, hoomans get ready to dive into the tons of dog jokes ever.
These jokes are collected from various websites and blogs for your recreation. From cute chubby-dubby jokes to the most hilarious ones, get ready for the entertaining punchlines. So let’s hop in and get ready to laugh at your best.
DOG JOKES
Q and A Jokes
Q: What do chemists’ dogs do with their bones? A: They barium!
Q: What kind of dog chases anything red? A: A Bulldog.
Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground? A: Because you can’t bury them in trees!
Q: How are a dog and a marine biologist alike? A: One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
Q: What do you call a cold dog? A: A Chilli Dog.
Q: What do you call a black Eskimo dog? A: A dusky husky!
Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly? A: The collie wobbles!
Q: Did you hear about the dog who couldn’t stop talking like a horse? A: It was a dog and pony show.
Q: What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator? A: A friend you can count on.
Q: What did the skeleton say to the puppy? A: Bonappetite
Q: What do you call a frozen dog? A: A pupsicle.
Q: Why did the dog need help on his Pros and Cons chart? A: He was CON-fused!
Q: What do you call a large dog that meditates? A: Aware wolf.
Q: What do you get when you cross a race dog with a bumble bee? A: A Greyhound Buzz.
Q: What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog? A: Dingo Starr!
Q: What does my dog and my phone have in common? A: They both have collar I.D.
Q: What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone? A: A golden receiver!
Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? A: He stole the show!
Q: What kind of dog does Dracula have? A: A bloodhound!
Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Q: Why did the dog cross the road? A: To get to the “barking” lot!
Q: How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster? A: Terrier-fied!
Q: What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? A: They get their masters.
Q: What do you call a dog magician? A: A labracadabrador.
Q: How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster? A: Terrier-fied!
Q: What do you call a large dog that meditates? A: Aware wolf.
Q: What breed of dog tells off-color jokes? A: A smutt.
Q: Why aren’t dogs good dancers? A: Because they have two left feet!
Q: How do dog catchers get paid? A. By the pound!
After Q and A joke sessions, let’s dive into the mini paragraph-wise jokes.
Story-wise Jokes
A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. “Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over. The customer was flummoxed: “I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!” From gcfl.net
Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter. “My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, “that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed.” “I know,” says the second owner. “How do you know?” the first demands. “My dog told me.” From the book Laughter: The Best Medicine
A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you. Jay Leno
We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet. Rita Rudner
Just realized a pregnant dog is a dog full of puppies. That’s the best. @shutupmikeginn
“We’re eating dinner soon. Don’t fill up on homework.” —Dog mom Alex Baze (@bazecraze)
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them. Harry Hill
I spend three minutes every day choosing a TV channel to leave on for my dog. Then I go to work, and people take me seriously as an adult. @damienfahey
My niece was dragged into court by a neighbor who complained about her barking dogs. At one point, the judge asked the neighbor a question. The neighbor didn’t reply. “Sir, are you going to answer me?” The neighbor leaped to his feet. “Are you talking to me?” he asked. “Sorry; I can’t hear a darn thing.” The case was dismissed. Helen Reynolds, Missoula, Montana
After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.” “But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer. “I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.” Submitted by Norie Bloom, Honolulu, Hawaii
I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won’t come when I call him. —Reid Faylor
A sign said, “Do not allow your dog to chase, injure, or worry wildlife.” How is a dog going to “worry” wildlife? Run up to a bird: “Hey, I think you’ve got something on your beak. It could be a tumor.” Andy Kindler
I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane’s dog and she was like, “I’ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?” @Robfee
I’m a dog trainer. Before I met with a new client, I had her fill out a questionnaire. One question asked, “Why did you choose this breed?” My client responded, “I often ask myself this very same question.” Cindy Mauro, West Milford, New Jersey
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. —Jeff Valdez
I tell ya, my dog is lazy. He don’t chase cars. He sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers. —Rodney Dangerfield
My dog was my soul mate; we both took naps, we both skipped lunch, we both hated the vacuum… —Elayne Boosler
A Dachshund walks into a telegraph office, picks up a blank form, and writes: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The clerk looks over the paper for a minute before telling the dog, “You know, there are only nine words here. You could add another ‘Woof’ for the same price.” The Dachshund shakes his head at the clerk in disbelief. “But that would make no sense at all.”
I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in a file named Fireworks and vacuums so my dog won’t find them. @EliTerry
Two racehorses are in a stable. One says to the other, “You know, before that last race …” “The one that you won?” asks the other horse. “Yeah, before that race, I felt a pinch in my hindquarters.” The other horse says, “Funny, I felt a pinch in my hindquarters before the race that I won.” A dog walking by says, “You idiots, you’re being doped. They’re injecting you with a drug to make you faster!” The first horse turns to the other and says, “Hey, a talking dog!”
A dog goes into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender says, “You don’t see a dog in here drinking a martini very often.” The dog says, “At these prices, I’m not surprised.”
A burglar breaks into a house. He starts shining his light around looking for valuables. Some nice things catch his eye, and as he reaches for them, he hears, “Jesus is watching you.” Startled, the burglar looks for the speaker. Seeing no one, he keeps putting things in his bag, again, he hears, “Jesus is watching you.” This time, he sees a parrot. “Who are you?” the burglar asks. “Moses,” the bird replied. “Who the heck would name a bird Moses?” the man laughed. “I dunno,” Moses answered, “I guess the same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”
The dogs next door get a little noisy, so one day somebody called animal control to complain. When the officers arrived, I heard my neighbor tell them, “Hey, dogs bark. It’s human nature.”
When our client’s dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. “Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find,” he told me. At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk. “Believe it or not,” I said, “this is for a sick dog.” As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, “These are for my cats.”
Does kitty dream of slinking down the catwalk? If so, give her a name that screams “I’m a star!” Like these actual pet names … Cats Cleocatra Bing Clawsby Chairman Meow Alexander the Grey Dogs Mary-Louise Barker Bettie Poops Virginia Woof Iggy Pup
As the stranger enters a country store, he spots a sign: “Danger! Beware of Dog!” Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep in the middle of the floor.
“Is that the dog we’re supposed to beware of?” he asks the owner.
“That’s him,” comes the reply.
“He doesn’t look dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?”
“Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”
“For sale: Eight puppies from a German shepherd and an Alaskan hussy.”
This ad in the Bozeman Daily Chronicle was obviously directed toward pet lovers only: “Free to good home, a loving Jack Russell terror dog.”
Time for some Riddles- Jokes
- What breed of dog goes after anything that is red? A Bulldog.
- What do you call a dog that has been left outside in the cold for an extended period of time? A chili-dog.
- What kind of dog likes taking a bath every day? A shampoo-dle.
- Why did the man living in Alaska name his dog Frost? Because Frost bites.
- Why are dogs terrible dancers? Because they have two left feet.
- Which dog breed loves living in the Big Apple? A New Yorkie.
- What was the little Scottish dog’s reaction when he first saw the Loch Ness Monster? He was Terrier-fied.
- What do dogs get after they graduate from obedience school? Their masters.
- What is a deadly creature that looks like a dog, eats dog food, lives in a doghouse, and consumes dog food? A dog with a machete.
- When you cross an aggressive dog with a computer, what do you get? A lot of bites.
- I recently planted a pet tree, and it’s like having a pet dog except . . . The bark is much quieter.
- How are dog catchers in the UK paid? By the pound.
- Why didn’t the dog want to play football? It was a Boxer.
- Why do dogs bury their bones in the ground? Because they can’t be buried in trees!
- In English class, why do dogs like conjunctions? Because dogs love buts.
- What do a dog and a marine biologist have in common? One wags a tail, and the other tags a whale.
- Which dog breed is Dracula’s favorite? Bloodhound.
- When you cross a dog with a cougar, what do you get? A lot of trouble with a postman.
- What do puppies and pages of a book have in common? They’re both dog-eared.
- When the dog went to the flea circus, what happened? He stole the show.
- What kinds of outdoor markets do dogs despise? Flea markets.
- What type of dog is constantly aware of the time? A watchdog.
- Why did the two-legged dog come to an abrupt halt? Because it’s really hard to run in squares.
- What happens if you cross a dog with a phone? A Golden Receiver.
- What could be more incredible than a talking dog? A spelling bee.
- What kind of dog consumes food with its ears? All of them! I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before digging in.
- How many hairs are in a dog’s tail? None! They’re all on the outside.
- What happens when a dog loses its tail? It goes to a retail store to buy a new one.
- What breed of dog can jump higher than a building? All breeds can, since buildings can’t jump!
- What did the man name his two watchdogs? Rolex and Timex.
- What did Darth Vader’s dog say to Luke’s dog? Come on! Join the bark side.
- When you cross a Sheepdog with a rose, what do you get? A Collie-flower.
- Why do dogs love smartphones? Because they have collar IDs.
- Why did the Dachshund want to sit in the shade? Because it was a hot dog.
- What would happen if you crossed a dog and a cheetah? You’d get a dog that chased after cars but was actually fast enough to catch them!
- What do dogs do when they need to take a bathroom break during a movie? They press the paws button.
37. When you cross a Rottweiler with a hyena, what do you get? I’m not sure, but if it begins laughing, I’m going to join in.
38. When my friend’s dog died, I bought an identical one to try to cheer them up . . . but it just made them more upset. Do you know what my friend said when I gave the dog to them? “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?!”
More Dog Jokes
When you put oil on a racing dog, what do you get? Grease Lightning
What is a Pug’s favorite fall beverage? Pug-kin spice latte.
Our dog brings us the newspaper every day. . . . Funny thing is, we’ve never subscribed to any!
Why are dogs’ barks so loud? They have built-in sub-woofers.
What do dogs usually like to eat at the movie theater? Pupcorn.
Why does a noisy, yappy dog resemble a tree? It’s because they both have a lot of bark.
Want to know if your wife or your dog loves you more?
Just lock them both in a crate for a few hours and see which one is happy to see you once you open it.
When you cross a Cocker Spaniel, a Poodle, and a Rooster, what do you get? A Cockerpoodledoo!
What do you call a dog that can’t bark? A hushpuppy.
Why did the officer issue a ticket to the dog who gave birth on the side of the road? Because she was littering.
What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler? Whatever you want, but do it silently.
When you cross a Sheepdog with jelly, what do you get? The Collie wobbles.
Where does a Labrador’s food go before it can be sold in stores? To the lab for testing.
What did one flea say to the other? Should we walk, or just take the dog?
What could be worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis.
When you cross a frog with a dog, what do you get? A Croaker Spaniel.
What makes a businessman different from a hot dog? The businessman wears a suit, but the dog just pants.
Where do dogs park their cars? In the barking lot.
How can you get a dog in the back seat to quit barking while you’re driving? Invite him to sit up front and bark there instead.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a ballpoint pen? Ink spots.
Why aren’t Corgi jokes funny? All of them are really short.
How do you know if you have a slow dog? It chases parked cars.
Why did the man make pancakes for his dog? His dog sure didn’t know how!
Why was the dog stealing shingles? He really wanted to become a woofer!
What do you get when you cross a dog and a lion? You’re not going to get any mail, that’s for sure.
When the dog sat on sandpaper, what did he say? Ruff! Ruff!
When does a mother flea become satisfied? When her entire family has decided to go to the dogs.
What did the one dog say to the other before they enjoyed their bones? Bon appetite!
What happens if you connect a Corgi to a battery? You’ll get a short circuit.
Why do dogs love redwood trees? They have the biggest bark.
What do you call a dog that doesn’t have any legs? It doesn’t matter! It still won’t come when you call its name.
When a dog has a fever, what should you feed him? Mustard—it’s the best thing for hot dogs.
Whenever I take my dog to the park, the ducks always try to bite him. I guess it makes sense, since he’s pure bread.\
After accidentally swallowing Buzz Lightyear, what did the dog say to Woody? You got a friend in me.
Q: What trick did the loaf of bread teach the dog? A: Roll over!
Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail? A: He was trying to make both ends meet!
Q: Why is it called a litter of puppies? A: Because they’ll trash the place.
So if you are having a kind of Ruff day, these jokes’ collections will surely bring a gentle smile on your face leading to laughter. There are tons of jokes around the world. Hope you enjoy the collections derived from the famous website, blogs, and sites. Have a wonderful laughter day ahead!